Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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