If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
