Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
this is an emotional support booty call
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