So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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