i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
