I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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