Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
