there's paper in my vomit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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