That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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