well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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