He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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