i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
