and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
