sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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