i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
