Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
