I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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