there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
