I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i think my cat just said my name.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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