hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
