I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
