Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can Purell be used as lube?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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