just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my phone needs a breathalizer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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