My cat gives me a boner
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
