True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
