hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
