cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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