I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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