so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
false alarm. still invincible.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
