passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
