Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
