worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
