No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
