As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
