The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
