Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
