Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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