: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
