Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
