and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
