I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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