everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I will pee on everything he values.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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