I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
