I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I look better un-naked...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
