I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
