The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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