i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
