what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
