She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
