Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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