Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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