Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize