took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
