I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
