4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
