when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
