Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
why do cheetos always look like penises
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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