come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
