honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
