I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
