T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
