So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
