Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
