i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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