My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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