i barfeds in our rink
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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