the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
